The Ministry of Toxic Waste

God damn America.

For God so hated gays that he sent a great flood among them.

Bombing Iran will help to bring about the Apocalypse and send all the unbelievers into the eternal fire they so justly deserve.

We’ve all been hearing this kind of nonsense for years, but I just can’t remember when it started. When did our clergy become the Bart Simpsons of the pulpit, saying outrageous and childish things that no one but a cartoon character would ever be allowed to say in public? Even a cartoon character would be boycotted for saying such things. When did it become acceptable for a minister to spew vulgarities and incite hatred? Aren’t they supposed to be telling us to turn the other cheek and offer our enemy our cloak as well? Aren’t they supposed to be telling us that God loves even his wayward children and will set up a greater feast for them when they come home than he will for those of us who never left him? Aren’t they supposed to be reminding us that we aren’t yet perfect enough to throw stones at anyone? Aren’t they supposed to tell us that we are indeed our brother’s keeper? That we’re supposed to house the homeless, clothe the naked, feed the hungry, and nurse the sick? When did they turn to preaching the Book of Mayhem?

It’s fascinating that we now have 2 candidates on opposite sides of the political fence, both trying to disassociate themselves from the comments and attitudes of ….. ministers. Of all the people in the world you wouldn’t expect to be poisonous to a political candidate, wouldn’t ministers be somewhere near the top of the list? Right up there with schoolchildren and grandmothers? Listen, maybe we should be vetting every candidate’s minister and ties to every religious organization before we seriously entertain their candidacy. Maybe we should ask them right up front to fill out a questionnaire setting forth their personal view of how the world began, whether or not they endorse the concept of angels, and where exactly hell is located. Is it under the ground? Out in the farthest reaches of outer space? Is purgatory a legitimate possibility or are those Catholics just a bunch of cultist whores? If so, would it be right and proper to kill them all before they pollute the purest among us? If we had the answers to all those questions, we’d know whether or not these ministers had the right stuff to lead the country out of war and recession, and straight into heaven. Oh wait. We aren’t electing ministers. Damn.

Okay, maybe politics and religion should be separate. There’s an idea. Yeah. The Church and State should maybe be forever separate institutions since they exist to serve entirely different needs (though I’m afraid to contemplate what needs some of these ministers are meeting). Aside from the state not being permitted to interfere in religious matters, maybe any church that uses its pulpit to endorse a candidate or rail against a policy should lose its non-profit status as a religious organization and have to reapply for that status as a political organization. Oh wait. Somebody already thought of that, didn’t they? And then wrapped it up in red tape until we can no longer locate the principle within.

Well. We could always just let our political leaders get back to the business of government, and stop requiring them to rubber stamp our cosmological fantasies as well. We don’t require our scientists, teachers, doctors, artists, or auto mechanics to attend church, subscribe to particular set of fables, or locate the Garden of Eden on a map. I don’t personally give a rat’s ass if my dentist is a Hindu, a Mormon, or an atheist so long as he is qualified to take care of my teeth. Why can’t we allow our politicians to simply shrug and say “I don’t know. I never studied Eden. I was PoliSci major”, and be done with it?